Blog
13/04/25: Full moon today! Just popping in to talk about something that's been on my mind the past few days. It's not a particularly peppy topic, but I do feel like it's worth bringing up.
I think people tend to forget the inherently selfish way we interact socially online. It seems so common to see people bond over the way they validate eachother's thoughts and interests, rather than an actual appreciation of the other person. It gets escalated when you take into consideration how quick people are to change nearly everything about themselves to fit in with the group they want to feel validated by. Do you actually love your friends, or do you just love how they make you feel?
I think that's why I'm always so shocked to see how people with this approach to friendships, still stay in friendships and/or friend groups with people that actively contribute to their deteriorating mental health. Maybe I'm just trigger happy when it comes to swapping friend groups on the fly now.
I just feel like there's something inherently flawed in approaching friendships without any sort of scrutiny, when all you're actually doing is just feeding into how fake and shallow these friendships really are. Be nicer to yourself and don't subject yourself to being around people who consistently make you feel bad in one way or another. That should be common sense, right??
29/03/25: Been trying to come up with a new layout for the site in the past week, but it's been surprisingly difficult. I think the main issue I have right now is not being sure what kinda style I wanna go with, and that's definitely the biggest hurdle to getting something going. I could keep the old style, but I'm kinda tired of the monotone look, despite how nice it is. I feel like at least SOME color could be nice, and I'd really like to add more green (my favorite).
I had an idea to make it look more like a physical journal (making it look like a little book, basically), or more forest themed. We'll see what I do.
Oh, I watched the partial eclipse earlier, it was really nice. It's my first time being able to see one properly, so I was really excited for like... 5 minutes. Still had fun.
19/03/25: Hey, it's been a while!
I've actually made some pretty decent friends since my last update, and while I'm feeling kinda meh about the server I mentioned by now, I met some fun people there who helped me get out of my shell. In the meantime I made myself a private journal on my PC instead of using this one, since I wanted to get into some actually embarrassing personal stuff, and didn't wanna be that kind of oversharer online. I have some degree of self-preservation drive. On that same note, I've archived this site on my computer as well as removing all but the last of my blog entires from the public site (not that I have any huge regrets about what I've shared, I just intend on having it be linked to my discord profile, and don't want people's first impression to be me being a sad soggy kicked dog), and I'm likely gonna revamp it entirely so I can have a fun place to express myself, now that I care about all that stuff. We'll see how this goes :)
I still update through the awful neocities editor though, so my update counter is gonna go crazy... plus all the different pages I have to update for the layout changes I have in mind..... ugh.
Anyway. On a good note: I'm now in employment training. I'm having a great time interacting with coworkers and getting some exercise from lifting boxes and stuff. You can probably tell from the change in my demeanor being kinda jarring if you were here before I wiped my old entries. I feel good though. Yay for me!
From now on this will probably be a pretty sparsely used page, where I share any particularly noteworthy stuff once every few months at most. The actual boring sad stuff goes in my private journal or just shared with my friends now, so I don't really care to update much anywhere else. Writing blog entries is surprisingly tiring. Anyway, bye :)
28/07/24: Been thinking about making this site, or at least this page, private. I dunno though, I think despite the fact that it's kinda insane behavior, venting this shit KNOWING that people could read it is part of why it's making me more comfortable talking about my feelings and opinions with others. Like, sure I'd be extremely embarrassed if anybody I knew found this, but honestly not much on here is very different from stuff I'd be fine telling people in private anyway? I think it's just the fact that it's all in one place that's making me self-conscious, more than anything that's actually written here. Maybe it's just the idea of having a public diary in general that's kinda embarrassing.
Anyway, I think I'm having a good time with that server, still. I've had some hiccups where I wanted to run away, but I don't think it's as bad as it usually is. I've been through some rough times mentally and I still like the place, so maybe I was right about it being a good place for me.
